A Open Letter to Peter Robinson and Martin McGuinness

25 June 2014

COLM Smyth, who was shot four times during the attack on The Heights Bar in Loughinisland 20 years ago, challenges the First and Deputy First Ministers as the quest for answers continues.

IT is a few days after the 20th anniversary of the Loughinisland massacre. I feel empty inside, a survivor of an atrocity that changed my life, I am exhausted from the memories.

I wanted to stay under the covers this morning as the weight of remembering took its toll. My mind and body felt wretched as I slowly opened my eyes to this world, the same world as yesterday and the day before that and so on and so forth back in time until that day 20 years ago, Saturday, June 18, 1994, in the Heights Bar, Loughinisland.

I made a decision this year to make my story, The Loughinisland Massacre: A Survivor’s Diary, my emotions and my memories public. I found it both cathartic and empowering. However, there is a price to pay when you enter the world of the media. Not only do you have to expose your inner most feelings but you have to do it repeatedly for every paper, every radio station and every TV station. Over the past week I have done exactly that. I gave my last interview at 4pm on the day of the anniversary on BBC Newsline. Once that was over I spent the evening with my family. I silently remembered those that have passed and also those that remain and deal with the ongoing pain that the Loughinisland Massacre has left behind.

Now, the rest of the world gets on with its business. The World Cup takes centre stage; the media focus on another story and Loughinisland is no longer a topic of conversation in office kitchens and coffee shops. This fast paced world of 24/7 news, social networks and a craze for the ‘new’ does not respect the longevity of death and suffering. Not only do I feel ‘old’ but I am ‘old news’.

For me, a survivor, the passing of another anniversary does not diminish how I feel. The world has moved on, forgotten us, but I am still the same person who talked on the radio (BBC Good Morning Ulster Interview) about the night the UVF murdered my friends and tried to murder me too. The emotions I felt during that interview are still rampant inside me, the profound sadness I feel for the loss of those six men, for the loss of part of my personality does not leave me. It is like a parasite, burrowing deeper into my every fibre.

Every day I remember. I question the reasons why it had to happen and I wonder who the men are that did this awful thing and why they continue to be protected. So many emotions, so many questions. No rest for the innocent.

One of the constant themes throughout all the media coverage was the act of collusion between the UVF, MI5, the security forces in Northern Ireland and the British Government. The facts are clear but the truth still remains a mystery. Where are Peter Robinson and Martin McGuinness? Why did they refuse to speak about Loughinisland this week? Why do they hide from us? Are they now part of the cover up, engaging in their own collusion?

David Cameron said this week that '..everyone should co-operate with the Police Ombudsman', but he will not talk directly to the families of the victims. He will not defend the innocent men who were murdered.

Maybe one day the right politician will come along who will make a difference. They will look at a community destroyed by grief, they will see families who have been lied to year after year by the Police Service of Northern Ireland and they will fight to make the truth known.

Maybe then a day will come when we can sleep well. When we can wake up on a bright summer morning and look forward to a day of possibilities instead of memories. No longer living in search of answers, no longer living in search of the truth.

Maybe one day.

COLM SMYTH,

Loughinisland Survivor.

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