Mother and daughter united in tackling suicide problem

Mother and daughter united in tackling suicide problem

28 May 2014

A MOTHER and daughter with first hand experience of the pain of suicide are backing a new campaign to tackle the problem in Down.

Brenda McAteer is taking over PIPS Downpatrick from mum Josephine, who is now turning her attention to the ‘Suicides Down to Zero’ project.

Working alongside campaigners such as Pat McGreevy from County Down Rural Community Network, Josephine said their aim was to get the facts and figures of what was behind the problem locally and take it to Stormont.

Eleven years ago at just 23 years of age, Josephine’s son Gerard went out one night in Downpatrick and took his own life. It was a bolt from the blue, which left the family shattered.

Channelling her grief, the Killough woman began to make contact with other local people similarly affected and 10 years ago set up suicide prevention charity PIPS in Downpatrick.

“The first year after Gerard I was under water,” said Josephine. “It was like a bubble. I could see the world and people going through with their lives.

“It was just hell, you could not describe it, everybody going to pieces.”

“People do not know what to say to you, how to comfort you,” added Brenda.

“Gerard told nobody, he just went and done it. He loved life, he was a real raker. It was such a shock.

“I had to wait eight months for counselling from Cruise. I wish somebody had said, this is what we can do to help you and yours.

“Suicide is still a bit of a stigma but it is not as bad. With Gerard, people did not know what to say. People after he died would not talk about it. They said he died suddenly.

“We are trying to use our pain to help others to survive.”

The death of another son, Micky, at the age of 31 from a brain tumour several years ago was a second tragedy to hit their family, but Josephine turned once again to working with bereavement groups and volunteers with the Northern Ireland Cancer Fund for Children.

Brenda, whose day job is as a family support worker for Bryson House, says she has her work cut out for her to emulate her mum’s efforts with PIPS but that she is up for the challenge.

“We want people to talk about this,” she said. “Last year 11 people across Down took their own lives. In 1998 there was one. Over the past 10 years it has been unbelievable.”

Official figures for the past year are not yet available but it is thought we have already surpassed the 2010 high of 13 deaths.

“There are more suicides than road deaths here,” said Brenda. “It has been very bad this year. In Ballynahinch there were four people there within a couple of weeks.”

Brenda said her mum often took it upon herself to drive out to a young person threatening suicide, or sit with them in A&E.

“The amount of lives my mum has saved over the last few years has been unbelievable,” she said. “She has driven people to appointments out of her own pocket. When they go to their GP they get a six month waiting list. When mum got that phone call she went out and seen them in their home.”

Over the years Josephine has experienced at first hand how the health service has failed to meet the urgent needs of people threatening suicide — people told they could not be seen by their doctor until tomorrow, when tomorrow proved to be too late; self harming teenagers not treated as a priority in casualty departments, and a mentally ill man turned away from a GP practice as it was thought he was drunk. She says there has been a “big improvement” but that there are still problems in the system.

One, in which there is ongoing legal action involved, involves a mentally ill boy who was sent to hospital by his GP but shortly afterwards took his own life.

“He was there for hours,” Josephine claimed. “It was an ordinary ward and the psychiatrist did not come. He signed himself out of hospital himself.

“They phoned later [the hospital] and said put him in a taxi. I said it was too late.

“I can’t blame the nurses they were not trained, but they put him in an ordinary ward.”

Josephine explained that the Suicides Down to Zero group would be trying to track how those complaining of feeling suicidal are dealt with through the NHS and see if improvements could be made.

Referring to the suicide problem as a whole, she said young people were “not being listened too” and that drug and alcohol abuse, though not a factor in every case, needed to be tackled.

“We are finding the referrals are getting younger,” she said. “It is always higher with males.”

Her advice to parents is to “talk and listen” but she warns they may be too close to see a potential problem. Instead she suggests they educate their children on how to find help if the need it.

“Also, I want to stress to anyone feeling low — do not be afraid to ask for help, it is not a sign of weakness.”

And her message to Health Minister Edwin Poots is as follows: “Cut the waiting lists for mental health services, offer better preventative services and provide support for people bereaved by suicide.”

In her work with PIPS, Brenda hopes to bring their ‘Feel Good Factor’ course back amongst others and establish premises for themselves in Downpatrick. If anyone can help they are asked to get in touch.

She has also extended thanks to those who recently helped raise £3,000 for the group, including Downpatrick SERC, the Lions Club, Celtic Bhoys and Gareth Sharvin. PIPS can be contacted on 07845 564134. 

Suicides Down to Zero is currently meeting privately but further information can be obtained on the same number.

A ‘Hope and Healing Group’, an open support group for those affected by suicide, is to run on Thursdays in Newcastle between 7.30pm and 9pm at the Parish Centre from the end of July. Contact 43722401 for details.